a sort of new start.

I've decided that my blog is alright yeah, but it is pretty depressing. So from now on I'm going to try and not just blog when I'm angry or frustrated. Ill try to blog for other things too like when I'm happy or idk. I'll blog random things I like and hope and dream. because I guess this is place I come often and with me starting to get a bit better it should get better with me. (:

Ill start now. Yesterday I think it was, I got a Japanese exchange student from our school. I've always wanted to go to Japan, I'm not sure why it just looks like a really fun and interesting place. A lot different form NZ. well any way she is absolutely the cutest thing! Her English isn't very good, which makes communicating and keeping normal conversations going rather hard. I think she'll pick more of the language up soon.

She is here for 10 days, which isn't too long however my friend once had one and she got very sick of her student. I hope that doesn't happen. In a way though I can see it happening because it could get a little irritating with her following me around and not being able to hang with friends as much, then again that could be a good thing. Also it was annoying because on the first morning she was here my mum made me come and have breakfast which is usually the only meal I'm able too miss completely.

But these experiences are good to have and I guess ill just have to put up with it and make the most of her being here. Have a good weekend (: xx

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

does pain have a colour?

What is the colour of pain?
It has no colour, it hides,
between everything you love.

If you truly love nothing,
you will feel no pain.
 
When you cant feel pain,
you yearn for it more than anything.
 
Because feeling nothing is more painful than feeling pain.
You'll do ANYTHING to feel the pain.

Even if it is only for a minute.

...

This person you see, your only seeing what i want you to see. There is nothing more for you to see, because there is nothing more inside me.

times passing quick

Times passing quick but I think I like it. They ask me what I want to be when I grow up and I take a while to respond. Thinking to myself will I ever grow up? Right now I hardly think I'll be around that long to worry about what I shall be, however I still answer there questions, with a simple "uh well I'm not too sure yet." If for some horrible reason I do manage to survive this, then perhaps I will join the army. I don't think anyone who I know now could imagine me in the army. I'm the type of girl who would try as hard as she can to get her way, I am single minded, I have a strong temper, I am rather girly and a tad self-centered but the army sounds good to me for some unknown reason.. Or I might be a nurse, I do like the thought of waking up everyday knowing that your saving peoples lives, tho I dough I'm smart enough. I'm not really sure of anything. Everything's up in the air at the moment and it can all change in an instant. Nothings set in stone, like everyone would perhaps like it to be. Things change, people change. Everything's fucked. Maybe soon it will be different but right now who knows.

keep on track.

To be a silent ripple in a pond,
to be lifted as a falcon by the wind.
To disturb no creature,
to walk without footprints.

This is perfection.