I’m not anyone’s first choice. I’m not anyone’s favorite. People may tell me I mean a lot to them and that I’m special to them but I know there’s someone they will always choose over me.

I didn't see you for about four day! four days and at points I felt so horrible and lonely. I actually missed you so much, it hurt sometimes. That makes me feel so dependant, incredibly needy and above all pathetic. although I was so afraid that you wouldn't miss me. I even had a dream that you came back and broke up with me cause you didn't miss me. Never fear he came back and it was perfect,we chatted, cuddled, had great sex and watched a movie. Sounds lame but wow, was it perfect. In that moment I was so happy. Nothing in the world mattered apart form the space between our bodies. I wish moments like this would never end. I love him, I love him, I really do.

why does it always seem like being skinny would solve everything

I fucking hate feeling like this, it's horrible. I hate feeling jealous. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough therefore he's going to cheat on me. I hate wondering if he likes another girl better than he likes me. I hate the way he acts towards Zoe and I hate even more how she acts around him. I hate that I'm as not 'loud' or 'fun' as I was before, not being bubbly all the time. I hate wondering if he still wants to be with me.I hate being fucking depressed. It suck donkey dick.

Why do I always have to second guess everything? Why? Why, cant things just be fucking simple? I don't understand. :(

I just want to be beautiful and feel loved.
I don't know, Why can't I be happy and make him happy.
My head is spinning.
and I don't know where to go, or which way to turn.

I need help. Guidance.


Why does it always seem like being skinny would solve everything!? I don't fucking understand!

You cry, you scream, you could even punch a wall if you want to. 

Once you have let all of that out, you lie down somewhere quiet, and close your eyes. You breathe. You stop thinking and you breathe. Keeping your eyes closed. Stay there for a good 5 minutes and just breathe. Slowly, take each breath and concentrate on it. You can keep your eyes closed for as long as you want, but you have to remember to take the slow breathes. 

This isnt going to make things go away, but it will help you to just relax and slow down. You are thinking too much, trying to figure things out, seeing consequences you dont want to see, and its getting to you all at once.

You are not a waste of space. You are not giving up. You are going to keep going and you are going to be happy. This sadness is only temporary. Things will get better, they always get better. 

You just have to sit down, and breathe.