letsgetfreakynowletsgetfreakynoooow.

i find it hard to be around people when i feel so... black? its intoxicating. sometimes i wish i was an orphan with no friends and no family, well there is something i wish more than that but i'm not about to spell it out on here but i suppose you can come to your own conclusions. i think for the next couple of days i will keep to myself. until i find that little mask that i love oh so dearly. ill put it on and ill be all better .. mm yeahright. 

little boy and girls need there daddys.. well not me never.

i don't even know why you fuck me off so much? the pure hatred i have for you is so strong, even just thinking about you makes so me angry its hard to be around people. when someone mentions you i really have to try hard to distract my thoughts of you. its not supposed to be like this your my dad. but its past the point i care any more i'd rather pretend you never existed that look at your hideous face. just fuck off okay i don't need you, i never have. you try to hard, your a fat loser. go away and don't try to talk to me. you say you want me to be happy etc well this is the only thing that would make me happy. leave me alone you sad excuse for a man.

someonegivemeapaperbag.

I feel so totally alone in this world of confusion, yet there is never a moment I'm completely alone, sometimes that's all I wish for. This thing inside you its in me too.It's consumed me. However I think it's always beenin her lurking in the shadowy depth of my mind, you just brought it out.

i hope one day i will be patched up.

I've been lost, I've been losing
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not
I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting
I may be scared and a little bit frightened
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life
I'll be coming back to life.

without you i'd be lost.

As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.
 

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, that get sent our way,
Remain forever near.

Remember.

 When you are sad,
and you feel you can't go on.
Tears well in your eyes
and the pain is so strong.

So far from your friends,
and you're all on your own.
No-one to run to,
So very alone.

When all seems so useless,
and you can't take anymore.
As you put on your coat,
and head for the door.

Remember..

I was there once,
lost, all alone
You can cry in my ear,
Just pick up the phone.

When you are lonely and feeling so blue
Someone is thinking ...thinking of you  

lies

you know what? I think the thing that makes me the moat angry is when you ask someone something and they blatantly flat out lie to you. it makes me even angrier when its someone who should be able to be completely honest with you, and you ask them something which you actually know the answer to but still they lie. I can see it on your face I know you too well, do you not understand that? I can tell every time you do it.  it eats away at me, chipping parts of me away making me even more raw and less likely to believe you when you really need me to. its so hard because I want to believe you so bad. I want to think that you would tell me the truth, so much. I want to think the best but its so unbelievably hard.

people lie everyday I know that I get it. from the simplest of things like: 'how are you'? 'oh I'm fine' when really you feel like shit, you want to craw into a small hole and die but no your fine aren't you. I think that everyone needs someone they can be completely honest with, someone that just get you and knows you pretty much in and out and I thought that maybe I was yours. I know its hard but all the things we've been through together I would think and hope that you could, I know that we really haven't been friends for too long but it feels like forever. there is really nothing much that you could tell me that I'd be surprised about and I'm going to listen no matter what and anything that you tell me I'm still going to love you, nothing will ever change that.

one of the hardest things is not knowing, not being able to help. that feeling of helplessness in the pit of your stomach.

I don't know whats happening but I just wish things were back to how they used to however I suppose you cant live in the past and you have to just keep going one day at a time, blaa blaa ive heard it all. I never know what to say or if I'm doing something wrong. I wish everything was clear: don't do this, do that, black, white,yes, no. but nothings like that, nothing is clear everything has multiple choices and no one ever knows what the right answer is.

life is tough yeah, so is everything. you just have to keep working at it and live life to the best you can because one day we'll all be gone and when you look back on your life is this what you really what to see?

i

im suppost to be strong.. at least for you.

pouring down like acid rain.

It's raining. It's raining hard.
All you can hear is the constant drumming.

The walls slowly moving in,
Your breath shorting.

Try look around,
your vision has gone bullury and fuzzy.

Your heart beats so fast,
it could implode at any moment.

You gasp for breath now.

Pain allover, numbness.
It hurts, its been there so long now.
Almost forgotten.

 A nagging twitches at you, almost unbreable.

You have to get out.
be free, fly.

cold, dark, lonely.
Your bodies there,
but theres no occupient inside.