FUCK THE HOSPITAL.

My best friend is back in hospital, she lost 150 grams which is like the difference between a large shit or not. It's fucking stupid the hospital wont help much, last time it made her much worse! fuckballs! They need to be fixing her mentally, but all they are concerned about is putting more weight on her and that's pretty much all. They are fucking idiots. god. I'm so angry right now! I'm sorry this probably doesn't even make any seance at all. I think I just need to get it out. I'm sorry. She was in hospital fo around 3 or 4 months, she missed out on so much school work and everything. I think it was probably the worst time of my life, it was horrible everyday was almost unbearable. I don't even know why but I just felt (feel) so responsible for everything like I should have done more to help her. She shouldn't have got to the stage where she needed to go to hospital. fuck. I just wish there was no such thing as fucking ana! It's a fucking stupid fuck, that should go fucking die and fuck! I'm sorry. The thing is that she is still sick, she still worries about how much she weighs, what she eats but shes got so so very much better! I'm so incredibly proud of her! I mean  she probably always will worry about it all . she actually fucking amazingly pretty and I wish I was half as pretty as her, even before she got sick I was pretty jealous of her. Ola i love you so much, you are beautiful! Be strong, you can win! you Will win! xx

To make matters worse today was just a pile of shit but not really but kinda. So it was my boyfriends birthday today and all day we were pretty much fighting, I got dumped because he found out that the other day I smoked weed with my best friend. He got so angry. I've decided that I'm never ever ever going to do it again! its stupid and it pretty much fucks up your life. Never again will i touch that stupid stuff, its really not worth it,! I need that crazy boy so much!

In the end he took  me back,  he just confuses me so much, I mean i love him so fucking much but god he can frustrate me, so so so very bad sometimes. We had sex.. To be honest it was quite good but the condom broke. :/ Tomorrow I'm off to go get the ECP (again) and try book an appointment to get the pill, I need it. I want to tell my mum but I'm just worried about how she will react, I'm pretty sure she knows or suspects something but who really knows.


Well I'm rather tired, better head off to bed now. hah
dream sweetly everyone {: xx