I just want the pain gone and with the pain gone will come numbness I feel it consuming my body already.

I came to accept,
long ago that he would always be with me,
like a shadow.
He would always follow me.
That doesn't make it easier.
I will never get rid of this pain.
Constantly
tugging,
weighting me down,
smothering me.
Slowly, he will eat just a little bit to much
I will lose myself for good.
There is nothing I can do but stand back,
watch myself turn back in to the numb monster I was.
This time,
I'm going to be able to pull myself back.
There's no one to save, not anyone worth being strong for.