control

Why is it that everyone fights for control? It’s one of the biggest things that people strive for. Control over the group, to be the leader, control of their family, control over the situation they are in and then of their lives in general. People want to feel in control. People need to feel in control but why? Why is so important to feel in control? Why don’t you feel happy when you’re not in control? Why do you fight so hard to be in control and if you can control what you want then you go and try to control something else.


It’s not hard to figure out that I really don’t have control at all. I don’t have control over anything, the way I feel, my life, my actions, my emotions, nothing. I


I just don’t get why I always feel like I can control anything like I’m sitting at the sidelines watching my life speed past me and there is absolutely nothing I can do. No way to stop the cars racing past me, I try so hard to be in control of everything, I just don’t have the energy or strength to fight much harder, to gain all of my control back I’m not sure if I ever will. People push me around and tell me what to do and I usually let them. It’s not like I want to. It’s just that it’s easier to let them, then to try and not let them.


I know I’m not really worthy of much, and I probably don’t deserve to be in control. But I want to be so bad, you don’t even understand. There are things I do to try make myself have control but they are temporary, they make me feel the way I should. I think. Instead of empty and cold for a moment I feel, almost whole and in control. So I will keep doing them and hope that eventually I will be in control.