I miss being needed by you, I miss looking after you, I miss protecting you. I miss being the only one you turned to. I miss worrying about you. Thinking about you took up 120 percent of my brain space. I miss caring more about you, than anything else. Don't get me wrong I'm glad your better, stronger, happier, healthier. I just long to be needed.
We had a bond that no one else understood, I needed you and you needed me. That was all. We were apart of each other. I would have died for you.. I suppose I almost did. I got caught up in you and all of your problems. I forgot about me and my own issues. I lost sight of everything else, nothing else mattered and in the process I lost a bit of myself. A part I don't think I'll ever get back and in no way do I blame you, I don't think I ever could for anything. You are the only person I've ever trusted completely, but then there were times I really didn't trust you. I guess 'trust' isn't the right word exactly, I knew you were lying to me. But what could I have done?
With out you I honestly don't know where I would be. You are an absolutely beautiful person and I love you so incredible whole heartily. I never want to lose the friendship we share, however I don't think we ever will. Our bond is too strong, we've been through too much. You are my I want to say 'best friend' but that just sounds so typical and that's not we are, at all. I will always be there, I will always need you. The only problem, will you always need me? I feel so despicable.
In truth, you like the pain. You like it because you believe you deserve it, and the fact that you’re putting yourself through pain means you are doing what you, by all rights, ought to do. You’re doing something right. Your ability to withstand pain is your claim to fame. It is ascetic, holy. It is self-control.
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